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"God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they."

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Today, when I finally made it home from work, I felt a tremendous amount of relief. It wasn't just that it was my last day of work before a nice, long Christmas break. Mostly, I was relieved to be home because the roads were icy, the traffic was heavy, and my 5-minute commute took me almost 45 minutes.

The end of a rough ride is always a welcome one.

That's a little bit how I feel about the end of Advent each year. I love the season; I love the time of meditation. But the anticipation and expectation that builds day after day during Advent usually means that by the time Christmas is here, I'm a little relieved. And this is just a tiny fraction of the feeling we'll have when we get to heaven. What relief, what joy, what glory!

Though making our way through Advent was a small goal, making our way to heaven in our ultimate goal. So we can sigh a little over the next couple of days, but there is still work to do. The prayers, the meditation, the reflections, the anticipation: these are not just Advent activities. They comprise the Christian life.

So with just two days to go, we can rejoice that Advent is almost over. Or is it?

--

I will be heading out of town tomorrow morning for Christmas celebrations with my family. Merry Christmas and thanks for spending Advent with me!

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Throughout this Advent season, I have been remembering what my life was like last year at this time. My cancer diagnosis came in early October, along with a major surgery. Chemotherapy and radiation began five weeks later in early November. I developed a post-surgical infection which landed me back in the hospital just before Thanksgiving. So my Advent started and ended with my 2nd and then 3rd rounds of chemotherapy. In the middle, lots of nausea. But also, lots of grace.

God has ministered to me tenderly and consistently this whole year. I have had moments of extreme doubt and disillusionment. At times, my thoughts have been so gripped with fear that I couldn't sleep or eat. At times, I have had tremendous financial need. At times, I've just needed someone to hold my hand. Over and over, Jesus not only met my needs; He also met me in my neediness.

During this season of expectation of our Lord, it is important in our longing to also reflect on the past. The Jewish word for this is "zahor," or remembrance. Six times in the Torah God commands the Israelites to remember his redeeming work. We don't look back nostalgically, rewriting the past with our memories. Nor do we looking back critically, finding a new source of guilt before the Lord. Remembering in this way stifles our longing for the coming of Jesus, creating resistance and fear.

"Have you ever known a weakening in the inward places of our soul because you had let slip the memory of what God did in the past? You had believed His words, you had sung His praises, for in very truth you had seen His words fulfilled. And then, somehow the memory faded, blotted out by disappointment . . . May the Lord, by His Spirit, quicken our memories." -- Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Way

We remember God's past graces so that we will look forward even more to a time when Jesus will come in his fullness. We look back so that we will have courage and excitement for what is to come.

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You would think that when a person decides to post daily meditations during a busy season like Advent, that she would realize the last few days are going to be much busier than the first few days, and would plan ahead. Maybe write a few things early on to save for posting later.

You would think . . .

But as those of you who are faithfully ready have noticed, that's not what happened. And in fact, in the extreme hecticness of these last few days of Advent, I have posted very little.  The choice became a simple one these past couple of days: write about Advent or experience Advent. Obviously, I chose the latter.

The experience of Advent has become as much of a theme for me this year as the subject of Advent, here in these simple writings. It's not that I don't love writing about the comings of Jesus. Mostly, I just can't help but wonder what difference Jesus and His comings make in my life. And if I can't find the connection in a holy season like Advent, will I ever find it?

Experiencing Advent has worked its way in and out of my consciousness as I reflect each day on this season and its rituals. Activity seems to be in direct opposition to reflection. Noise and crowds battle silence and solitude. Simplicity and stewardship versus excess and waste. And yet these struggles aren't unique to the month of December; they are just intensified here.

I've already reflected on the importance of daily doses of all things good, so as not to drown in the excess. We also thought about the limits of the season and the need to live counterculturally. We've even talked about the food and candles and songs of Advent.

But today, as I consider what it means to experience Advent, I am realizing that mostly its about becoming more like Jesus. Am I doing things that will move me closer to that goal, or further away? Am I building relationships with some people who will encourage me in that and some people who need my encouragement to do the same?

Or to put it another way, during this season of Incarnation, am I incarnating the love and grace of Jesus to others? If I can answer "yes," than all the rest is just presents under tree.

--

"Purify our conscience, Almighty God, by your daily visitation, that your Son Jesus Christ, as his coming, may find in us a mansion prepared for himself; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen. -- Prayer for the Fourth Sunday of Advent, from the "Contemporary Collects" of The Book of Common Prayer

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When Waiting Takes Too Long
Gracious God, there’s so much waiting in my life.  I wait in lines, I wait for a better job, I wait for others, I wait for financial security, I wait for a doctor’s report, I wait for love, I wait for pain to abate, and I even wait for death.  Sometimes the waiting erodes my joy and fills me with dread.  Help me find waiting to be the friend that invites me into the spaciousness of stillness.  Give me the grace to refrain from rushing ahead in order to bring waiting to an end.  Instead, let me find joy in the waiting itself.  I ask this for the sake of your love.  Amen.

-- from "Advent Prayers" from explorefaith.org

Psalm 126

When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion,

We were like those who dream.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter

And our tongue with joyful shouting;

Then they said among the nations,

"The Lord has done great things for them."

The Lord has done great things for us;

We are glad.

Restore our captivity, O Lord,

As the streams in the South.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.

He who goes to and fro weeping,

carrying his bag of seed,

Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him.

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Today, just before closing time, I heard a coworker excitedly announce that tonight she would be spending the entire evening at home. She had no parties to attend, no errands to run, no work to stay late for. After a few hectic days, a night at home was exactly what she wanted. Hearing her reminded me that I have a similarly free evening. I, too, am spending an evening at home.

I'm not exactly what I would call a "home-body." I like to get out and do things besides work and errands. Sometimes, I'll grab a book and hit the coffee shop just to get out. But the older I get, and especially during the winter months when its colder and darker, I really like just putting on a comfy pair of pajamas and staying close to home.

There's something special about home during the holiday season, too. This sentimental feeling about home is reflected in Christmas songs, like "I'll Be Home for Christmas," and movies, like "Home for the Holidays." Many of us travel to a place we call "home" (even though we no longer live there) to celebrate with family.

Even if the place we live does not feel like home or the people we live make home feel hostile or uncomfortable, most of us at least long for the idea of a home. A place where we can be ourselves, feeling safe and secure physically, as well as emotionally and spiritually.

In this way, our innate connection with the idea of home fits well with this holiday season of Advent and Christmas. At its heart, this longing for the comforts of home is the same longing we have for Jesus to come back. We desperately want to be with the one who not only lets us be ourselves, but actually created us and loves us.

So don't feel bad if you just need a night at home during the hustle and bustle of the season. If nothing else, you can tell your friends and family it's just a new Advent tradition!

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There are bits and scraps, thoughts and insights, floating around in my mind that will someday take shape. Today, I've wondered about when gifts started being wrapped, and I've marveled over the raw emotion in the Psalms. I continued to think about the cultural significance of food in our celebrations as I pigged out at the company pitch-in all day. And while I attended a going-away party for a colleague, my thoughts turned internal. Will I ever love others as selflessly as Jesus?

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Deeply entwined in my various Christmas memories and traditions is my family's deep love of food. We love to shop for food, cook food, eat food, read about food, give food as gifts, and especially talk about food. Most of my daily phone conversations with my mom center around food, in fact.

As a child, I remember container after container of homemade Christmas candy that would pour out of my mother's kitchen. Chocolate fudge, peanut brittle, coconut bonbons, peanut butter balls, even something called "Divinity" She also regularly made a homemade party mix and sticky caramel popcorn, which we called Cracker Jacks. We usually got to have some samples while she was making the goodies, but then everything was packaged up and either shipped away to relatives, handed out to the mail man or teachers, or hidden in the back of the pantry to be pulled out on Christmas Day.

As an adult, my relationship with food for the holidays has been a little more complicated. Some years I make homemade candies or cookies with my nieces and nephews, depending on the holiday schedule. I usually bake some kind of bread or muffins to give to friends or family. Last year I even made up containers of my famous homemade salad dressing to give as gifts. But mostly, I see my food habits more closely connected to Advent than Christmas.

Christmas food seems more celebratory and flashy -- lots of sugar and show. Advent food seems more nourishing, something to sit down with and enjoy as a meal. Christmas food looks good on a platter; Advent makes for good leftovers. I just promised my dad I would be some kind of dessert to his house for Christmas, and I expect it will be loaded with calories and sprinkled with powdered sugar or cocoa. But in the meantime, each Sunday of Advent has found me putting together a pot of soup and baking  a loaf of bread.

Advent lasts too long to eat candy every day. We need vegetables and grains and a little protein if we're going to make it all the way through. But as Advent comes to an end, there's nothing better to cap it off than a good Christmas pudding -- a chocolate trifle or eggnog cheesecake, perhaps.

And then, maybe a nice cup of coffee for Epiphany!

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All of my good intentions didn't get me to this cyber place yesterday to record my thoughts. My apologies if you stopped by looking for me. I had a full day with friends, old and new. By the time I pulled in the garage last night around 8:30, all I could think of was hitting the couch. And that's exactly what I did.

Despite all of yesterday's activity, and the busyness of the earlier part of today, this evening, I celebrated the third Sunday of Advent alone. I did all of my usual Advent Sunday activities. I put on a pot of soup to cook and baked some bread. I lit the candles, read the readings, prayed the prayers. I even pulled out my guitar and sang a few carols. Only this week, instead of a choir of voices there was only me. And when it was all over, I blew out the candles myself.

I don't prefer to do my Advent traditions alone on these cold Sundays in December, but as it works out each year, I usually spend at least one of them by myself. It's during those Sundays that I am reminded most acutely of one of the most glorious messages of the season. Though there may have been only one voice singing and one mouth reading and one set of lungs blowing out the candles, this Advent Sunday, or any day of the year, I am definitely not alone.

Advent tends to revolve around the two historic comings of Jesus: the one recorded in history past which happened on a starry night in Bethlehem, and the one yet to be determined in history future when Jesus will come in all His glory. But a third coming of Jesus -- the one recorded in my personal story when Jesus came into my heart and saved me -- this coming means I never have to be alone again.

Having Jesus with me on lonely December nights is, of course, a comfort and reassurance. But having Jesus with me at the funeral of a dear friend, when a relationship ended badly, in the midst of financial struggles, and when I first heard the words "cancer" as I lay in a hospital bed means everything. Christ with me is my only hope and my fervent joy.

It's the third Sunday of Advent, and Jesus is coming. But He's also already here.

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Psalm 30

I give you all the credit, God— you got me out of that mess,
      you didn't let my foes gloat.

 God, my God, I yelled for help
      and you put me together.
   God, you pulled me out of the grave,
      gave me another chance at life
      when I was down-and-out.

 All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God!
      Thank him to his face!
   He gets angry once in a while, but across
      a lifetime there is only love.
   The nights of crying your eyes out
      give way to days of laughter.

 When things were going great
      I crowed, "I've got it made.
   I'm God's favorite.
      He made me king of the mountain."
   Then you looked the other way
      and I fell to pieces.

I called out to you, God;
      I laid my case before you:
   "Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead?
      auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?
   When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs
      and stories of you won't sell.
   So listen! and be kind!
      Help me out of this!"

 You did it: you changed wild lament
      into whirling dance;
   You ripped off my black mourning band
      and decked me with wildflowers.
   I'm about to burst with song;
      I can't keep quiet about you.
   God, my God,
      I can't thank you enough.

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My house is full of small daily needs that can easily get away from me if I'm not careful. In addition to the laundry and dishes, taking the recycling out to the garage, sorting through the mail, sweeping up dog hair, and putting away my shoes all benefit from a minute or two of attention each day. Otherwise, the piles and stacks accumulate until they are out of control and take much longer to deal with.

I find this principle at work in most areas of life, in fact. What is good in small daily doses becomes a problem if neglected and attended to only occasionally.

A healthy diet, for instance, is something that takes work each day. If I try to eat a week's worth of vegetables in one day, for instance, my system will be in shock. Eating my daily portion, though, gives my body energy and keeps my system working properly. The same is true of exercise. I can try to work out for two hours once a week, but getting in shape requires smaller amounts of time every day or every other day.

In fact, I would say that we were created to lead lives that are moderated by small doses of "dailyness." The cycles of day and night; the rhythm of work and rest; the seasons with their life, growth, rest, and death. All around us we see the benefits of routine, order, and limitations. Redundancy transformed into resplendency.

Our spiritual lives also are woven of this same fabric. Each day we receive only the grace we need, like manna falling from heaven. Try to gather too much and it rots in waste. We are called to take and receive only what is needed for today. The discipline this involves is, of course, part of what the Lord is developing in us. But the discipline also can be painful and awkward. 

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In some more liturgical churches, only songs of longing and expectation are sung during the season of Advent. Singing Christmas carols, along with the hanging of the greens, is reserved for the days immediately preceding Christmas after the fourth Sunday of Advent.

In her memoir, Girl Meets God, Lauren Winner describes a similar Advent tradition of a college chaplain she knows.

"Jo Bailey Wells has an Advent rule. She doesn't go to Christmas parties held before Christmas. She says Advent is about anticipation, not about celebrating weeks before His birth. The waiting, she says, is meant to be a little anxious."

In a world where "Your way right away" has become more than just a slogan, denying ourselves and waiting patiently during the early days of December seem almost ridiculous. That is, until we realize that it's not just the baby Jesus in the manger we are waiting on. The ritual of waiting during Advent helps build the anticipation and longing for the whole Jesus, whose daily coming in our lives for comfort, guidance, and hope sometimes seems painfully slow, and whose ultimate coming to usher us into eternity seems perpetually delayed.

--

It's that point in the Advent season when I start feeling restless. When I'd rather just get on with Christmas than spend every day thinking about it. But the waiting is good and needful. And as I wait, anticipation for all of the comings of Jesus becomes a little more real.

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The Vacation

by Wendell Berry

Once there was a man who filmed his vacation.

He went flying down the river in his boat

with his video camera to his eye, making

a moving picture of the moving river

upon which his sleek boat moved swiftly

toward the end of his vacation. He showed

his vacation to his camera, which pictured it,

preserving it forever: the river, the trees,

the sky, the light, the bow of his rushing boat

behind which he stood with his camera

preserving his vacation even as he was having it

so that after he had had it he would still

have it. It would be there. With a flick

of a switch, there it would be. But he

would not be in it. He would never be in it.

--

For me, it's Advent rather than vacation, and this keyboard rather than a camera. But if I'm not careful, the recording of this holy season will replace the experience of it.

This is a vocational hazard for those of us who write. Do we write about life? Or live so we will have something to write about?

So, today, fewer words, more time for meditation.

See you tomorrow.

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Some Christian parents reject all notions of Santa Claus in an effort to be counter cultural. Other believers refuse to be part of the gift-giving and instead donate their money to the poor. Still others fuse the spiritual dimension of the holiday with the more traditional portion -- eating birthday cake for Jesus after opening their Santa gifts.

Of course, even the wreaths and calendars of Advent can seem far removed from a starry night in a barn when a poor, young couple gave birth to a baby. All the celebrations and routines of our modern holy-days can all lead us desperately far away from our holy Savior.

If we let them.

The new found traditions also can move us toward our Jesus if we let them. By applying the same biblical principles to our Christmas activities that we do to all aspects of our lives, we might discover the true meaning of Christmas, after all.

For instance, the same thrift and stewardship we strive for all year round can guide our Christmas shopping. The decorations we use to adorn our homes for Christmas can be ones full of symbolism and meaning. Gathering with friends and family can remind us that all people are made in God's image. When we find ourselves at holiday gatherings, we can remember that self control and moderation are still virtues we are striving for. Even Santa, who is making all kinds of appearances in strip malls and departments stores these days, can remind us that Jesus taught that it is good to give in secret and be generous.

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"He won't come with me and see the surprise I have for him," he told his mom. But his little brother was far too intrigued with my silly dog, Precious, to be interested in any surprise his older brother could have concocted.

Wanting a little time for some grown up conversation, my friend suggested her eldest could issue a kinder invitation. The little one still said, "No." Then, she diplomatically suggested that he could take with dog with him. This would have worked if my dog hadn't been so interested in licking up the crumbs that were falling in the kitchen.

Despite a series of other failed negotiations, my friend finally told her eldest, "Maybe you should cast a vision for what you want to show him so he'll want to see it."

The idea caught on, and soon, he began describing a wonderful place that I didn't even know existed in my house. Perhaps he embellished a little, but eventually his brother AND his mother (I think she wanted to see for herself!) went into my bedroom for the surprise he had set up.

A little vision can go a long with in overcoming reluctance.

Jesus was a master at casting a vision, particularly when he knew he was asking his followers to do something they didn't want to do. He never exaggerated, but He did give us enough of a glimpse of what we could expect to know that the difficulty would be worthwhile.

In fact, some of his best vision casting happened as he was preparing his disciples for the space between his first and second comings -- the space we ourselves now occupy. Jesus knew that his disciples didn't want him to leave. He also knew that waiting for him to come back would ultimately prove to be a tremendous test of faith, both for the disciples' generation and the many generations to come.

This is the heart of Advent. Each year, as we remember Jesus' first coming and anticipate his second, we catch a new glimpse of the vision Jesus cast more than two thousand years ago. Jesus WILL come back and take us to a new home unlike any place we can imagine. Our troubles here WILL seem insignificant compared to the coming glory. He WILL complete what He has started.

"Don't let this throw you. You trust God, don't you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home. If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I'm on my way to get your room ready, I'll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I'm taking."

- John 14:1-4 from The Message

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Day 1

Sunday, Dec. 7

There's no more obvious expression of the limits of this life than during the Christmas season. There's never enough time, money, or energy to do everything we want this time of year. I don't have time to keep in touch with all of the people I love, or money to buy them all gifts. There are too many concerts, parties, and get-togethers to attend them all. Too many holiday treats to make and Christmas cards to send. Some things are just going to have to be passed over.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." - Philippians 2:5-7

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Week 1

Day 7

Saturday, Dec. 6

Psalm 117

"Praise the Lord, all nations;

Laud Him, all peoples!

For His lovingkindness is great toward us,

And the truth of the Lord is everlasting.

Praise the Lord!"

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Day 6

Friday, Dec. 5

Amazing the difference a year can make -- last  year at this time I was very sick and going through chemotherapy. Equally amazing is the difference a week can make. Just Monday, I was writing about a terrible, rotten, very bad day. On Monday, I boldly wrote that the Advent message of bad days is "hold on" because Jesus is coming.

Day 5

Thursday, Dec. 4

This evening after work, I flipped on my outdoor Christmas lights before heading on a walk with my dog, Precious, in the neighborhood. It was still daylight when we left, so I could barely see them, but I knew dusk would be fast approaching, and I wanted to get the maximum exposure.

"The people who walked in darkness
   have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
   on them has light shined." -- Isaiah 9:2
 

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Day 4

Wednesday, Dec. 3

I love gifts. I know that it is more blessed to give than receive. And I certainly do love giving gifts. In fact, I just spent the past two hours doing the bulk of my Christmas shopping online. (Let's hear it for no lines and free shipping!)

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Day 3

Tuesday, Dec. 2

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

I received the results back from my blood test -- everything looks good! Praise the Lord. I'll meet with the doctor next week for a routine exam, and then three months until the next check up!

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Day 2

Monday, Dec. 1

Even if I didn't own a calendar, I would have known today was Monday. Things just didn't seem to go my way.

I wanted to point you to another resource for Advent. A website I visit often, explorefaith.org, has some wonderful daily meditations and a calendar with Advent-appropriate Bible verses hyperlinked for each day. Check it out!

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Day 1, First Sunday of Advent

Sunday, Nov. 30

Last night, the first measurable snow fell here in Indianapolis. We awoke this morning to a blanket of white. My precocious Black Lab, Precious, was the first from my house to go out in it, and her exuberance in bouncing around in the fluffy white was almost contagious -- it would have been, in fact, if it hadn't been 7:15 a.m. on Sunday morning, and I was just rolling out of bed.

Preparing for Advent

Thursday, Nov. 27

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© 2008 Charity Singleton

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